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Black Boy Jack

This version was saved 16 years, 5 months ago View current version     Page history
Saved by PBworks
on January 9, 2008 at 8:34:58 pm

Initial thoughts


He was fine meeting people and fitting in except for the occasional fight to gain acceptance.  He struggled in school because his whole life living in cities among the people up to that point had taught him more than a school book or a teacher ever could.  He wasn't a bad kid either but the pressure he recieved from his Granny and aunt about religion labeled him as one of the bad apples.  He sees the details in the very small, then expands his image into a wider veiw through what he has seen and experienced.  He sometimes sees so wide that he misses some of the area in between.  Like when he was accedentally selling the white supremicist newspaper because he was busy reading the fiction in the magazine section and did not notice the paper.  He finds his escape first through nature and when he became older he started to read more books.  He was also a drunk by the age of seven, which was probably a good thing to get that out of the way sooner before he was in highschool and had higher chances of being a drunkard for the rest of his life.  He's way to smart for his age.  I think his inteligence is exaggerated by him being older at the time of being written.  I'm sure he did all of those things as he said but did not have the same understanding.  I don't know the guy, and he's dead so I don't think that I will ever know. 





I'm torn between two options.  On one side there is the option thats been taken before by many people other than myself.  It is a very attractive option.  It sometimes reminds me of the music that makes me want to stand up and dance around the room.  It is an easier option that is at this point already within my grasp.  It's an option that I can change very easily and doesn't need any explanation or excuse.  This option can at any time be found by another person and used at their will.  I can't decide whether its satisfaction will outweigh the monotony of its use.  With the other side, the risk is much higher.  The risk is its appeal.  I can almost say that no one has taken this venture before, even the one in control of it.   This option wants me to  take it as much as it wants to take me.  To it, I am a secret.  The thrill of both of us combined can create something that I have never known before.  When the passions of two people meet for the first time the sun explodes into firey birds that fly through the clowds releasing the power of the ocean down on our heads.  The light blinds and the heat lights the mountains on fire.  Nothing surreal could ever compare to the reality of what could happen.  It lifts two beings above the masses to look down upon the average heads looking up.  They can only wish.  It may seem like an easy option but the repurcussions of each differ greatly.  The easier has one consequence that i can see, and that is petty jealousy.  It's something I avoid myself because it is useless, but I can't control anyone else.  The type that chooses this option is probably going to lead to me having to deal with petty jealousy.  Which is okay but just annoying.  The other is something that I couldn't just back out of easily if it all went to hell.  I could be involved in it too deep to simply drop it.  I don't know if I can help myself with either.



The book.


Black people have a tough time.  White people can be real assholes.  I don't know what racist people think about when they think about racism.  Do the know what they're thinking or has it been placed there by someone else.  How can one race consider another inferior.  I think it has something to do with religion.  That is why Richard Wright has trouble with the whole idea.  How can he beleive in something that could create so much suffering.  I've tried to think about what racist people think about, to step into their minds and figure out what the thought process is.  I can't do it, I can't fathom what is going on.  Nothing can make me think that black people are inferior.  Maybe it's fear.  Maybe white people are just afraid of black people.  I don't know what makes people want to suppress another kind of person.  They can't be more or less honest or dishonest than anyone else.  I just don't understand.




 The book!


Here it is.  This guy goes through a ton of shit and kept a cool head about it all.  He percieved his surroundings in a way that he could escape.  He knew what was right for himself and was not afraid to defend it.  He was forced to learn because his environment didn't give him a choice but to learn.  Not through books but by fighting and listening and understanding why black people are hung by white people.  Nothing he does in school helps him.  He can't even go most of the time.  He needs to work in order to eat.  Why do I think the same way.  I don't need to work to eat but I understand when I see and experience all of the real human happenings and not the theories of a writer and why a hurricane represents a fear or something like that.  How does that knowledge help you? 

I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore.



Today class!


I've dreamt about being a famous lead singer and guitarist of a band.  In fact, that is the only thing I've ever dreamed about being.  th culmination would be me in front of 100,000 people. I just came out on stage and people are screaming my name and i'm fiddling with my guitar building up the suspense of when i'm going to hit that first chord and throw the band and its music over the masses happy people.  I would be playing the hardest blues you ever heard and shaking my sweat on to the people in the front row.  then if you were backstage yould seeme standing over all of these dancing people clapping in unison above their heads while i lead at the end of every song i would solothe greatest sol anyone has ever heard because they're enjoing themselves, just as the song was about to end i would kick over the mic stand and start my expression.  when the show was over i would go straight to the bar and start playing my underground blues all night until every one was gone and it was just me and maybe a few people because i love to play my guitar and i only play it for myself and the energy i receive from the crowd. To me that is the way things will turn out, i don't think i have any other choice.  I will have to put out some studio music but where i will excell is in the live shows.  people will cme from miles around to hear the music of the greatest guitarist of our generation.  When i'm older i won't try to go on tour like the stones but i will start my underground music bar where young musicians can come and play and grow up. 






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